For the nth time, I have once again heard of the most overused quotes of this generation. It’s from the book, “the perks of being a wallflower,” it goes.. “We accept the love we think we deserve.” This time though I was watching the film adaptation. It was uttered by the protagonist’s English teacher when asked about why good people choose the wrong people to love.
In spite of being such a cliche, it doesn’t make the truth any less true. And I believe so too. And got me thinking about the person I love, why I love him, and why I refuse not to unlove him.
I think in life, it’s so rare to find someone who can love another so much. The kind of great love that’s not bound by blood, but is nonetheless unconditional. But it also made me feel sad, for I know that I have not been treating this person the way that he deserves - which is to be loved and cared for unconditionally.
I have come to the conclusion that, his past might have led him to feel as if he does not deserve more than what I am giving him. Which is selfish of me, for this truth I know. He deserves so much more, and he is with me because he might feel as though it is only what he deserves.
There are two roads I can take, which is, to walk away to teach myself first how to love rightfully and unconditionally. Or stay selfishly, knowing that I do not deserve his love.
Which made me think about me, the exception, again, neither black or white. I don’t feel like I deserve his great unconditional love, but I accept it. So in the end, I can in fact debunk this statement. We can accept love that we think we don’t deserve, it’s sort of like a matter of being able to find that one person, who can love us in spite of us and despite of everything.
So am I staying? I have asked this question over and over. The answer is, yes. Is it selfish of me? I don’t know. This I have yet to ponder on more.
— Jon Blais (via arrow-and-oracle)